My personal journey video ! I want to share how my health crisis shaped the person I am today. It shaped the passion I have for my health and fitness. In addition, it helped fueled the fire I have in me to motivate others.❤️💕
“It taught me how to believe in myself and how to believe in God and never give up. Literally, never give up. Because everyday, I just had a new belief. That today, was the day I was going to get better.”
Whatever your struggles have been in life, it ultimately served a purpose. I know it’s kind of hard to accept sometimes. We face so many emotional and physical challenges. But because of these challenges, we are the person we are. We are wiser, stronger, and develop more empathy for others. Each of our battles are a story to tell and ultimately inspire others.
I aways idolized pregnancy growing up. I remember one hot summer day as a little girl. I remember admiring my cousin. She was wearing a cute white summer dress with red flowers desgin. Her cute pregnant belly was visible. I remember my mother giving her a bowl of strawberry swirl ice cream. She savored every spoonful. I remember seeing her cheeks flush and her eyes squint as she took every bite. At that moment, I just smiled. Pregnancy seemed like a blissful experience.
Fast fwd to my pregnancy.
“I hate being pregnant…” I told myself in the kitchen counter. I started crying as I said this. I didn’t feel like myself. I had pain no matter what I tried.
The migraines would not go away. Because of it, I developed anxiety and depression. “I don’t know if I’ll make it. How will I have this baby? It hurts too much. Can this be over already?” I would repeatedly tell my husband sometimes. I couldnt sleep because of the pain. My eyes were swollen. I couldn’t breathe because of the sinus pressure. I looked like a mess. I felt it.
Then came the anger. “Why me God?! I wanted to have a baby. Now that I am pregnant, why must I suffer?! What did I do to deserve this? Why can other women have so many and I cant even have one right? Why do I deserve to suffer this way?” I had my arguments with God. Until finally, I understood it was not like this at all. God loved me no less than everyone else. I was just someone who had the strength to endure all of this. I had to carry my cross. Just like Jesus did. He didn’t do anything wrong. Yet, he had to be tortured and die for other’s sins?
So then came the endless hope. I hoped I would eventually enjoy some parts of my pregnancy. Maybe I’ll finally feel better? We tried every home remedy in the book. My parents did their best to pamper me while my husband worked. I would go to the hospital for IV treatments. I got massages. I did the neti pot. I ate ginger. I stopped eating dairy. I cut my hair. I got ice packs. I ended up with a collection of pillows. I took vitamins. I took my blood pressure every day. Nothing worked. Until one night, I had to go to the emergency room. The pain was too strong. That night, I ended up having to take medication for the pain. Yes, it was that bad. After that, I continued to take some medication to ease the pain. Yes, I felt guilty. Yes, I felt like a horrible mother already. But the doctor eventually told me it was wiser this way to prevent any further stress on myself or the baby. This way I got some sleep, too.
Many days, I spent hours in my rocking chair, crying. I held my rosary and prayed. I tried singing songs to my baby. I wanted to forget the pain, but it wouldn’t leave me. The little sleep I would get, I would end up waking up early because of the pain.
Miracoulesly, every day, I also held on to faith and belief. I would pray passionately every day, three times a day. Even though every day I continued to feel miserable, I did not give up on prayer and belief. My husband, who never believed, saw the pain I was going through. The first months, I would ask him to pray with me. He would not. However, soon after he saw how much I was suffering, he started to join me. Together, we prayed and it shaped our belief.
I never wore that dress. I never had the pregnancy glow. I never ate that strawberry swirl ice cream. I hardly smiled. My pregnancy was everything I never imagined. It lacked everything I always dreamed of. But in result, I got my baby. My strong healthy baby boy. And as crazy as it sounds, I would do it all over again for him. The suffering was worth it. He is truly a miracle. He taught me how to be strong. Because of him, I know I am capable of so much more than I realize.
Because of this experience, I value my health. I crave a physical challenge. Knowing I can do this…is a blessing! I value fitness. I value my life. I value my son. I value my husband and family who did everything they could for me. I just love and value life. This is why I am so inspired to share my story and continue to fight on!
Sometimes, you have to carry your cross for the greater good. Life is not fair. But it’s end result is still pretty damn impressive.